My Story Is Growing!

I am becoming obsessed with my story!  I am eating, but just barely enough to keep going,  sleep is a fleeting memory, leaving me a zombie, and today, I lost a shipment for my little store on MiniPlanet, and lost my status as expert on mini-jobs. 

My story is growing and developing well and rapidly.  I have no doubt that it will be a novel in a few months, if not sooner.  Aaron said the rate I'm going it will probably be finished, except for revisions and editing, in a month or two.  This is very exciting!  I love writing. 

It has begun!

My new goal has begun!  I joined an online writers group, downloaded their software, and have begun writing and revising my old short story,  Love Transcends All.  I'm already finding ways to expand it.  I may get a novel out of it yet.  Even now, when I work on it, it brings back those memories.  I wonder if the dreams will begin again, too.  It still makes me cry.  I guess some moments are never forgotten, some memories forever cherished by the soul. 

I tried several times, unsuccessfully, to upload the manuscript to my computer, so I wouldn't have to rewrite it.  It is hard copy, typed before I had a computer,  before internet existed for public use.  I have no trouble uploading photos with my scanner, but, for some reason, I can't upload manuscripts.  Well, with the new software, I'm writing everything from scratch all over again, and picking up ideas as I write, so maybe it's better this way.  I'm excited to finally be getting on with my writing.

A New Goal Just Fell Into My Lap!

I was looking for something in my file cabinet the other day, and ran across a story I had started in a creative writing group years ago.  I pulled it out again today, and read it, and started revising it.  I think it has potential.  I  don't know what direction it's going to go, or how long it will be.  I'll let the story develop as it will.  It already is a science fiction romance, with some spirituality mixed in.  It's from a series of dreams I had back in the 80's.  Back then, I was a New Ager, with some belief in reincarnation, but, with a bit of tweaking, I think I can make it more in line with what I believe now, as a Latter-day Saint. 

This should be an interesting project.  It's about time I got back to my writing. This is a goal worth working on!
I really should set up a schedule, so I can get things accomplished that I want to do.

Yeah, Right!

My last post, I said I was going to start going to bed earlier, by 1:00 a.m., and no later.  It didn't happen all week.  I did get to bed by 2:30 a.m., once, but the rest of the week, I still didn't get to bed until 4:00 a.m. or later.  Even last night, knowing I would have church today,  I still got to bed at 4:00 a.m., but, I set my clock for 10:00, and managed to be up before 10:30, and I did get to church.  But, I've been tired all day, and haven't felt good, either.  Oh, well, I'll try again this week. 

I really need to set some goals and start working on them this week.  I'm bored just spinning my wheels, going nowhere with my life.  Even Facebook , internet VR games, and watching too many movies are getting boring.  I'm also tired of  looking  old, sick, and tired.  I desperately need a makeover.   I think when I get my tax refund, I'm going to take part of it and get my eyes checked and get new glasses,  a new hairdo, and a new camera to record the results. Maybe I'll start wearing a little bit of makeup, too,  maybe not everyday, but at least when I go to church. 

Back to the Old Drawing Board, and Time for Another Experiment.

Well, it appears that my theory of staying up as late as I want, because I can sleep in as late as I want, is not always true.  I missed church today, because I was sick.  I was also up til 4:00 a.m.  Maybe that's not such a good idea.

I got up on time, got ready, but suddenly got hit with a headache, stomach cramps, and dizziness.  Well, I thought maybe it would go away if I ate something, so I had a glass of milk and a granola (oatmeal and raisin) bar.  But I felt worse.  I thought, well, maybe if I take a nap, I could at least get to Sunday school, or Relief Society, but then suddenly I got the chills.  I was teeth-chattering cold, even with my nice, warm, pink "Snuggie" on.  Well, I did go to sleep, but I didn't wake up until 3:30 p.m., so I was too late for everything, even missed Relief Society.  I still feel awful, too, and now I'm mad at myself, too.  

I think I'll start going to bed earlier, say like no later than 1:00 a.m.  Maybe I'll be able to accomplish something, then, and not be sick all the time. 

Well, This Is a First for Me

For the first time ever, I actually have my taxes done early!  I've already received e-mail confirmation that both the federal, and the state, government has accepted the forms.  I did it with Turbo Tax.  It took a while, even on line, but it was worth it.  I'll be getting a pretty good refund, too.  That will go straight into my savings! 

Maybe, I'll start an IRA, or something, eventually.  I suppose I really need something more substantial than just a savings account.   But, for now, I felt like I needed a savings account that I could dip into if I ran short, or something came up, as it has a couple of times.  I'm not used to just getting one pay check a month now, and it is less than I used to get, too.  I hope I am not being foolish, or that I've been too hasty to retire. 

Retiring with ADD

One thing that will make retirement interesting and challenging is my ADD.  According to all the experts in the field of ADD,  I really do need structure, organization, routines, and schedules.  Those things have always been anathema to me, and especially now that I'm retired.  Schedules and I have never gotten along.  I manage to keep them for a few days, maybe, and then I'm back to chaos.  Routines get boring, structure stifles my creativity, and I may never be organized according to the popular sense of  the word.  Yet, there is some method to the madness, or, as I've always thought, madness to my method.  Things do eventually get done, maybe not as quickly or as often as others would accomplish similar tasks, but eventually, the dishes are done, chaotic surroundings are a little more under control, and life moves on.  Yet, I know there is room for much improvement, and I have the time to experiment, so let's see what I can do.

Perhaps, I'll set up some routines that are totally off the wall, would make professional organizers and life coaches cringe and shake their heads in disbelief, but will work fine for me.  Maybe I'll invent some new way of doing things.  Maybe I'll even end up with some customized schedule that will actually work for me.  I have all the time in the world to do these things now, in retirement. 

Maybe, I'll just accept that I will never be good enough in the eyes of the experts in the world, but if I'm content, if I'm accomplishing things that are important to me, and valid for me, who cares what the experts think! 

The Bad Things About Retirement

It isn't all picnics, sunshine, and rainbows.  There are a few things I don't like about retirement.

My 80-something mom frequently tells me,  "Lynn, don't get old!"   I always laugh ruefully, and say, " It's too late, I'm already there."   This little repartee comes up when we are regaling each other with our latest report on our various ailments.  That is one thing I don't like about retirement: getting old.  It seems that the older I get, the more problems I have with my body, little, nagging aches and pains, slowing down, running out of energy, and a few chronic problems that make life uncomfortable, and sometimes a bit embarrassing. I have a whole army of supplements to combat these things, and keep things under control: Benefiber, Omega 369 fish capsules, Calcium tablets, One A Day for Women, Estroblend (phytogenic capsules), and Echinacea.  It could be worse, I guess.  At least I don't have anything serious, or life-threatening, no high blood pressure, no heart problems, no diabetes.  All my problems would go away if I took better care of myself, ate better, exercised more, drank more water.  So, why don't I?

Ironically, one thing I don't like is that I'm my own boss.  The buck stops here!  I can't blame anyone or anything else for my failures and shortcomings.  It's up to me to decide how to spend my time, what I want to accomplish, and how I want to do it.  That is something I need to do, so I don't spend most of my retirement years in cyberspace, on Facebook, playing games, and contending over religion and politics in an overabundance of forums that I participate in more often than I sometimes should.

I think the worst thing about retirement is coming face to face with the reality that some of my dreams are probably never going to come true because I'm too old.  It's highly unlikely that I will ever go to Nashville and become a singer-songwriter, but I can, if I just get around to it, improve my guitar playing for my own enjoyment, and I can write more poetry.  I will never again play in a symphony orchestra, those days ended with my graduation from high school, and I gave my French horn away years ago.

The Good Things About Retirement

I'm finding a lot of things I like about retirement.  Today is a case in point. It's rainy and cold out, and I don't have to go out!  I don't have anything obligating me to go out in bad weather anymore! 

I can stay up as long as I want, because I can sleep in as long as I want!  I often don't get up til noon, after being up until four in the morning.  Days and nights blend into one indistinct time span, and the only way I really notice the difference is when the sun peeks in through the living room blinds, after having been up all night writing, studying or reading, or playing games on the computer.  But, I'm still getting seven or eight hours of sleep a night (or is it a day?), and realizing that time is a man-made concept, and quite pliable. 

I can follow my muse, and get into the creative zone on my own terms, and when the spirit hits me, even if it's late at night, or early morning. 

I can do things because I want to, not because I have to, not because someone is looking over my shoulder,  threatening me with quick retribution for not towing the mark.  No more bosses!  Yeah!

Those Senior Moments

Does the brain retire, too?  If so, mine started retirement even earlier than I did.  I mean, my memory has been doing funny things for a while now.   But, it seems to be getting worse.

Sometimes I think I should rearrange my kitchen, and put the clean dishes in the dishwasher, and the dirty dishes in the refrigerator.  While I'm at it, maybe I should put the leftovers in the canned foods cupboard.  Well, anyway, it sometimes seems that's what my brain wants me to do.  No problem, though, I always catch myself, laugh a bit sheepishly, and shake my head at my silliness, and put the item where it should go.  There was one time, though, when I was putting the dishes away, and suddenly realized they hadn't been washed yet!  I guess I should get one of those little signs that says "Clean" on one side, and "Dirty" on the other side.  But, would I remember to turn it around?  That's the existential question of the day! 

I  can't see with my glasses when I'm on the computer, or reading, so I hardly ever wear them anymore when I'm home. Once I forgot I wasn't wearing them, and walked out of the house without them.  I was half way to the store before I noticed, and rather than worry about going back , I walked to and from the store without them, and was fine!  Of course, I wouldn't dare drive like that. 

My biggest problem with Senior Moments is when I can't remember a password to one of the many web sites I frequent.  Then I have to look frantically through scattered lists in two notebooks, and even then, sometimes I can't find the one I'm looking for. In that case,  I have to submit a request for a new password, which I then add to the lists of scattered passwords in two notebooks, and we go round and round the mulberry bush again!  Maybe I should gather them all up and put them all on one page in one notebook.  But, then I'd have to remember which notebook I put them in! 

I wonder why they call these episodes "Senior Moments". When I was a Senior, back in 1965, I had a wonderful memory, that lasted longer than a few moments.

According to the Experts:

I got a little curious about how to handle this new phase of life, and to know if I'm doing it right, so I turned to the experts.  I bought a couple of  very funny books.  One, called Not Dead Yet, by Patrick Fanning, is just what the author said it would be: a bathroom book.  It's short and funny, perfect reading in the bathroom.  It has some useful tips, but mainly it is just a book about the human comedy of retirement.  I love it!   The other one, How To Retire Happy, Wild, and Free, by Ernie J. Zelinski, is full of ideas for setting goals, finding a new purpose and identity beyond the work world, and just having fun living without bosses and rigid schedules.  His premise is that early retirement is a good thing, and you don't have to have a lot of money to do it.  He also writes with a sense of humor.  My analytical mind will really enjoy the exercises he has for goal planning, and I also  like his optimism, and the examples in the book of happy people living the way they want to without the tyranny of  clocks, schedules, etc., and with spontaneity.

I'm going to love reading those books over and over, and planning a happy, fulfilling, creative, and adventurous life.  I think early retirement might be one of the best things I've done for myself.

Hey, that wasn't so hard! It's all online!

I really believe, in spite of the bad things about it, the Internet was a gift from God, to be used for good purposes.  There's just so much you can do with it.  I found out you can even retire online!

Once I decided that early retirement was the way to go, which didn't take long at all for me,  I  proceeded step by step to "Just Do It", as the Nike ads have been saying for a long time.  Maybe it's the Gemini in me, or maybe it's because with my life experiences I've learned, in the school of  hard knocks,  that nothing is permanent on this planet.  At any rate, it didn't take me long to decide.  I think I was on my way in about two weeks after I was let go from the job.  I really didn't worry much about the ramifications, because I figured if it didn't work out somewhere down the road, I could hold my nose and dive back into the murky world of  working  for a living.  Right now, it is my turn to find other things to do with my time.

First things first, so I found out if  I could get COBRA for my insurance, which I  could, at a reduced rate.  Then I figured out what to do with my meager 401-K.  I simply took it out, and put it in a savings account, and learned I do have the discipline to not touch it unless I have to.  Last, I found out how easy it is to get set up for Social Security.  Well, truthfully, that took a bit of reading and wading through a rather long, but interesting,  web site, but the process itself only took a bit of information, a few clicks, and SUBMIT, and voila,  I was retired!  I got my first check via direct deposit, in two weeks. 

The next thing I did was decide to get out of debt.  When I got my check for the 401-K, I put part of it in my regular checking account, and the rest in savings. I had enough I was able to pay off  some fair-sized medical bills, which was all the debt I had.  Now, if I don't get slammed by any more medical tests that aren't covered by my insurance, and as long as my old truck holds up and keeps running, I'm good to go.  My wants and needs are relatively few, and I'm blessed to live in a small town, in a little apartment with low rent. 

I have had one lesson in Retirement Finance 101:  Christmas can really wreck things when you are on a fixed income.  Next time, I will have to be more frugal, and plan ahead. Anyway, I didn't starve: with all the holiday get- togethers, I ate very well.

Fired and Retired

It really didn't come as too much of a shock last September when I was called away from my computer early that evening.  I had always been a bit of a slacker. It wasn't that I slacked off at work, but I was chronically late, or missed work due to sickness, or occasionally had trouble with my truck, although that was rare.  Sometimes it seems the old truck will last longer than I will.   I usually got away with it by working later.  But, with the new program, and the set schedules, I couldn't dodge the bullet any more.  I had been sick for a long time, and was getting worse, causing me to miss too much work, or to be late too often. 

Around that time, I had been to the doctor, and finally had a diagnosis, and a plan of treatment  I could learn to live with, and cope with:  IBS, a digestive disorder made worse by stress.  Well, my biggest stress was my job.  I was 62, and playing around with the idea of an early retirement.  I had a love/hate relationship with my job, anyway.  It was a bad time to be in customer service in the home mortgage industry.  People were angry and upset, sometimes desperate and crying, with the sorry state of the economy, jobs being downsized and lost, and retired people maxing out credit cards to survive catastrophic medical expenses, and increasing mortgage rates due to Adjustable Rate Mortgage loans.  I often thought ARM loans should be outlawed;  they only lead to heartache and loss in the end.

The other thing I discovered around that time was that I had all the symptoms of ADD, with a little splash of ADHD to make things interesting.  That made it very difficult to focus and concentrate in the work environment I was in.  I was constantly being sidetracked:  Oh, I see you are from VA.  I'm from there, too, lived most of my life in the Virginia Beach area...blah, blah, blah.  The next thing I knew, I was going over the allotted phone time, having a wonderful chat with the customer, but forgetting the problem I was supposed to be working on. So, like I said, I wasn't too shocked to be let go. 

It wasn't the first time in my 29 years of job hopping, and no real career, that I was unceremoniously led out the back door, without telling friends farewell.  But, this time, something told me this would be the end.
When I got out to my truck, I sat there a few minutes, crying and feeling sorry for myself, a bit humiliated, and fearful for my future. I asked myself: What am I going to do?  Well, I guess I'll retire! 

And that's exactly what I did!  This blog is all about the ups and downs, lessons I'm learning, and things I'm doing, and goals I'm planning for this new adventure in my life.